Gone For Good
She finally pulled the plug.Oh how stupid was I to think that I'll be able to change things by letting her know that I still love her more than I could ever say.I only managed to frustrate her and made her say that I was her worst boyfriend ever...haha...yeah...I've always have the knack of screwing up my relationship and this is not exception.I've screwed up badly.
I'm not going to deny that I want her back badly but then again I know I'll only end up losing her again.She once told me I'm a really horrible kisser...haha...maybe next time when I'm about to date someone again..I should really warn her about it first.I'm really sorry Tert for being such a whimp,you're right,I'm one of the worst boyfriend one could ever have.
I've spent the past months wondering how life would be when I finally leave school.The prospect of not seeing her everyday,maybe I could fetch her home everyday,maybe I could fetch her to tuitions...that maybe I'll still get to see her everyday.Haha...at least I don't have to worry about that now...I'm feeling really miserable now with the flu that I'm having.once she told me that she wanted the break up,I could feel the void of loneliness inside of me that haunted me so badly years ago.
A couple of days more and it could have been our sixth month annivesary.I actually bought her a gift for it...damn...what am I gonna do with it.Oh well...Joshua was right.When things between me and her were all so merry a few months ago,Joshua and Liteng talked to me about dating a unbeliever.I know it was a sin to disobey God's word but I really couldn't bring myself to let go of her,especially when things were going so well back then.They were right,God's not gonna punish me for it but eventually God's word will be vindicated and this relationship wouldn't last long.
I'm really shattered by it and maybe my parents were right after all...I'm still too young to be in love.Now I know it wasn't the loving aspect that I can't handle as I would give in my all everytime I fall in love,it was the pain of separation that I'll never be able to handle.It hurts real badly...I'm really at a lost here...as deperate as I sound here,I know she's gone for good and no matter how I feel or what I do,nothing will bring her back to me.
Maybe I'll love again,maybe I'll be loved again but one thing's for sure.Whenever I love again,I'll be wiser and not put in too much hope and emotions into it.I was too emotionally involved with her,that's why it hurts and I promise myself I'll never let myself feel this way again.Ever.
posted by Ian @ 4:46 am
4 Comments:
Don't be afraid, for I am with you. Do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you. I will help you. I will uphold you with my victorious right hand.
[Isaiah 41:10]
dude, one thing's for sure. there is this one girl out there who will sweep u off ur feet the same way u will sweep her off her feet. and she will love god with all her heart and all her soul juz as u do.
i believe ur heart will heal and the things u said in ur last paragraph will not come to past.
coz it's a bit the unfair to the girl rite?
take care yeah. =)
Jesus loves you! so does joshua and li teng. *grin*
Hey you know what, after all you might just get fed up with me telling how to live your life, for the times we discouraged you to get on with this relationship and so on, I wouldn’t say that it was God who separated you two, neither would I say that God is going to bless this relationship if it still continues.
But one thing I can assure you is that God’s ways are higher then our ways, the way we see things happened and they way God wants thing to happen is totally different, we could be praying for the wrong things but after all I dare say that at the end of the day its still up to HIM to decide.
Let me give you this verse: “For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”
Jeremiah 29:11
God has long ago promise that He made you with a purpose and a plan, and He has installed great things for you, but one thing I can assure you is this, some of the things we desire is not what God has intended for us and therefore will never be ours. I don’t want to make women or man sound like a object but, what is not ours will never be ours, for example if the a washing machine creator has purpose and plan that the thing he will so is to wash only cloths, he will not be able to wash a car in that machine right?
So goes for mobile and shell, if they built those car washing stations for cars, the stations wont be ale to wash cloths right?
What I am trying to say her is that, when God has created you, He already knows what he wants to give you, and what HE desires you to become and be, I am using this words because, as much as our Lord, has plans and purposes for our lives, we can chose to OBEY or DISOBEY.
This verse speaks of our creator: “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart.”
Jeremiah 1:5
How awesome is this, this God who made the world, who has got everything in the world is interested in your life, how wonderful it is that when our friends and family scorn us this God that we have embrace us like His child?
God is calling out to you Ian, He has got His plans and purposes for you, but remember we always tell you that as much as God has got things HE wants for you, He never force it down your throat? Well back to the washing machine thingy, if we chose not to follow the designer’s plan for the machine and we stuff a car into the washing machine, isn’t it like literally impossible, ramp the car into the machine both will be destroyed. And now try putting the cloths into the car wash station, your cloths will just tear and the station will not have any affect.
Same goes to your life, when God has spoken His word as much as the temptation is out there its best that we obey His word, or else we will be that “Cloths” torn into pieces and it will almost take forever to mend it.
The word of God is the truth,
“And I came to bring truth to the world. All who love the truth recognize that what I say is true”
John 18:37
And like what you said in your post: “They were right, God’s not gonna punish me for it but eventually God's word will be vindicated and this relationship wouldn't last long”
All I can say that what you say is absultuly true, because the word of God will not be twisted and turn around.
In Psalms the writers have long ago know this : All your words are true; all your righteous laws are eternal.
Psalms 119:160
For Heaven and earth will fade, but God’s words will still remain.
Above all Ian, look to God, look to your ABBA FATHER, some one who will heal your soul even in this time of sorrows, but let me assure you that God is going to allow this experience which you have gone through to be a blessing to the others, who were like you just being naïve and undecided. I pray that it will be your desire to continue to this walk with God.
Let me assure you this before you start feeling guilty once your done with over coming your emotions, don’t allow Satan to work in your life, don’t allow guilt to creep in, just repent and be like Peter, Saul who became Paul, once they denounce Christ, once Saul went around killing Christians, but above all it is not what they have done in their pass, but its what they have done after knowing that Jesus is God.
Paul was one of the greatest missionary, Peter was the leader of the first church.
Rise up above your circumstances, I will take time to heal, it will take courage, be rest assured that God is with open arms and with a heart so big willing to forgive the sins, which we have all committed.
Start afresh, begin to seek God, you know He is real, and above all HE loves you!!
And remember this we will stand with you in all circumstances and we will continue to pray for you!!!
Dont lose hope, but begin to realise the bigger picture which GOd has installed for you, long before you were born.
amen to that.
joshua dun bcome pastor wasted lah. =þ
hey ian..i totally know how you feel..mybe it might had be worst but then again i wana let you know that your not the only one that felt it..to me, when u siad that when josh and liteng approached u,i think it was God's perfect and divine timing..now, i really never explained why i broke off wit tert..when me and tert started to lack communication and things didnt seem to be working out, i prayed..and God sent a church friend to talk to me (he totally knew nothing until God sent him) and he encouraged and extorted me..i did things wit tert that i'm totally not prioud of now cos i knew i sinned against God and the guilt was killing..now i look back and i see that i could hv saved our relationship but God gave me strength and courage so i told her that it was time..after breaking up wit her,i praised God as i now know that i was not "unequally yoked" (2 Corinthians 6v14) so i hope that you too wil praise God cause "all things work together for good to them that love God" (Romans 8v28) i'm sure that God has another person in-stored for you and you'll jus have to trust Him =) dun worry ian, your such a nice guy, God shall show her to you soon =) hope that this little part of my life shal be an encouragement to stay strong k? the God that allowed his Son to be in pain and grief is also the God that knows your every trial, trouble and tribulation.
"...but in every thing by prayer and suplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God. And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Jesus Christ" (Philippians 4v6-7)
"Pray without ceasing." (1 Thessalonians 5v17)
"The Lord bless thee, and keep thee: The Lord make his face shine upon thee, and be gracious unto thee: The Lord lift up his countenance upon thee, and give thee peace." (Numbers 6v24-26)
WE'LL PRAY FERVENTLY FOR YOU =)
Love in Christ Jesus -(the author and finisher of our faith *Hebrews 12v2*),
nicholas lai =)
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